The stranger within me


I am tired, a stranger in myself, crossed in the body for the first time.

I am tired, in a foreign place, crossed for the second time in my soul.

I am tired, crossed for the third time in the spirit of my consciousness – a stranger by my own volition, telling me that I AM where I am supposed to be.

Yet everything in me is tired – in left predicament on the right, in right on the left, in the predicament of ‘my’ place, until I find the strength and courage to tell my will:

‘You are a stranger, get away from me!’, to be able to realize that this is not my place, that I live in someone else’s place and my soul is homeless until I dream about the stranger inside me.

This is a world of one-sidedness – a world of constant balancing of equilibrium as nothing is where it should be and everything is caught in reflections. In the foundation of the surface of reflection man can live himself through others or others through himself. He who lives himself through others is shrinking time and space into the reflection of the reflection of his own form. He who lives others through himself, however, is opening up the time and space of actual occurrence.

Time and space are one. Time is the Lord and we are to each other merely the place of manifestation of time in space. We are not born to judge but to bestow our place to each other. Nobody can or ever has judged anybody, for man can only be judged by the place he is not ready to leave. Jesus was crucified because he left his place.

If the place of the present were actually yours, nobody would be able to take it. The place that you are given is not yours and as much as you cling onto someone, that much that someone can shrink and even take it. What you are living are your dreams after someone and are passing with you. But if you left your dreams and lived for something or someone, then you would open up space for them. When you left everything, even your presence, you would open up space to everything and become the present itself.

The place of the present is neither mine nor yours – everyone is in a foreign place, nobody in his own. The place of the present is the most hidden of all, hidden in nobody’s yet one in the other, the only true place for everyone. The place of the present is the secret of the Lord that comes to life the moment you leave your place and give it to someone else.

‘The Heavenly Kingdom is in you, therefore depart from here’, says the Lord. Leave this world that lives right in the name of the unknown on the shoulders of the loyal, and violate the Lord, the most loyal of us all. Do not live the known in the unknown, leave this world and walk, walk and search within your soul, and you will find the home of your conception in the palm of the Lord. Only there will you truly rest.

As long as you claim something you balance the equilibrium on the outside and are hunted by your own disquiet. You are not alarmed by the restless world but by the restlessness of the stranger inside you. Your restlessness makes you walk the path of one-sided. If you were at peace, you would not walk anywhere. Jesus said:

‘He who wants to fulfil Father’s will should renounce himself, take upon himself his cross and walk with me!’
‘For he who wants to save his life will lose it. He who loses his life because of me will find it.’

Each realization extinguished the reflection of the unknown and left the shadow of foreign place behind. When the unknown touches the known, the wave of reflective reversibility on the surface of the comprehensible crumbles into a wave of its own one-sidedness.

Jesus left all the relationships and thus conditioned the one and only true reality – the Present itself:

In spirit: ‘Father in me, I in Father.’

In soul: ‘Father, upon your Hands I bestow my soul.’

In body: ‘This is my body that gives itself for you.’

Nothing exists per se, everything is in ratios, yet everything exists per se and nothing is in ratios. Some love the stranger inside them more than their loved ones. You should pray every night to leave the stranger inside you and give birth to Here and Now, conditioned in spirit, soul and body:

‘With the palm on the forehead and in Father,

With the palm on the chest, with Jesus in the soul,

With the palm on the left, in Holy Spirit,

With the palm on the right, to uncross the close one.’

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